Say What You Need To Say

Tonight, I watched a movie titled "The Bucket List." Having just posted a blog entry of a bucket list myself, the movie seemed fitting. Well, it was. It is actually. And what is amazing is that the song for the closing credits is one of my favorite songs "Say What You Need To Say" by John Meyer.

I've always been the kind of person who edits. Myself, my actions, my words. I was never good at spur of the moment conversations or impromptu introductions or even small talk because I won't be able to plan what I was going to say and edit myself.

Maybe that is why people think I am snobbish. Mind you, when you think I am ignoring you, I am actually editing the things I will say. When I am silent, I am mentally spanking myself for saying the wrong words.

I guess it's my nature. And it comes with a price: to accept the opportunities I lost while taking my time to edit and the right times I missed while trying to compose the right words. But I realized, even if I was able to compose the right words, the right time to say them will never come again. Second right times are hard to come by. If Edward waited before he reconciled with his daughter, he might have never reconciled with her at all. If Carter edited the words he was going to say to his wife before he was pushed inside the operating room, he might not have said them at all.

I remember my English teacher once saying that you must not over edit that your writing loses its essence. Readers, after all, are not after the right grammar only, they are after the essence of your writing and the impact your writing will have on them. I guess living your life is also like writing your own story for the world to read. Too much editing and your story will lose its essence. It will come out like a fake. Fakes, no matter the intention, are never good. Your life story should be unique and brimming with your essence. It should not be perfect. It should be you.

So, I ask myself, if I were just in time for the closing of a once in a lifetime train, will I still think how best to aboard the train? Will I still linger to think where is best seat on the train? My answer will be, of course not. I will probably dive in even if my face hit the floor and my shoes got stuck in the closing door. I would fight to be inside that train. No matter what seat I'm in. No matter how ungraceful I get in.

Life is indeed short but once we realize that, we have all the time in the world. Those two old men sick with cancer did more in their last months than some people did in their lifetime. I'm not talking about the sites they saw or the activities they were able to try. I'm talking about all the courage, the confidence, the bravery and the love they exhibited in their last days. Their bucket list was not about experiencing all the things the world has to offer but rather giving the world and their families all they had to offer. By coming to know the world, they came to knew themselves better than they did their whole life.

I want to be able to live like that. I do not want to wait till the end of my life to do so.

And like the song goes,
I will have no fear for givin' in or givin' over.
I will know that in the end it's better to say too much than to never to say what you need to say again
Even if my hands are shakin' and my faith is broken. Even as the eyes are closin' I will do it with a heart wide open.
I will say what I need to say without waiting for the right words. Without editing. With the bravery of a man with only 6 months to live. With the insane courage of a man to cross out the last item in his bucket list.