I want a Nice Guy

I found this article or rant as it was called via StumbleUpon.

Ode to the Nice Guys
This rant was written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.
This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.
This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.
The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.
So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.
Fu-zu Jen, SEAS/WH, 2003

I really just have to answer some of the points here. Just like you boys go through the boobs and butts phase, we girls also have the bad boy phase. Once in every girl's life, she fell in love with a bad boy (with the meaning of bad essentially encompassing). I think the reason for this is we are hard wired to be motherly. We want to fix someone. To make it more cheesy, we want to be the person who brought about the 360 degree turn in a boy's life. It's true that we want a nice guy but it is more rewarding if we're the one who squeezed out the nice guy from the bad boy.

And you're also right. We, girls, will outgrow that thought. We will realize that it is a cardinal sin to try to turn someone into someone he's not. And that we cannot really change a person because he is the only one who can change himself.

I have to disagree with you on one thing, though. Well, "those girls" aren't really hard to find. In fact, one of them is right here. I am just right here. Not waiting but not fleeing either. I want a nice guy.



I want a nice guy who can be nice and laid back but also be brave enough to tell me how he feels. The operative word there is "tell" not show because when you are as close to a girl as you have described above, it will be hard to tell whether your actions mean that you think the girl is special or you are just being overly friendly. Girls, who have been hurt before because they assumed too much, tend to play dumb (*tough act) about noticing your "moves." Their new motto will be "Never assume unless otherwise stated." So state it for the love of God.

I want a nice guy who loves to take on adventures. I, in all honesty, am easily bored. I do not stay when I am bored. I tend to gravitate to more exciting places, to more exciting people. I want a nice guy who can keep me on my toes. And when I see an ad for a beautiful place or an exciting activity, I want to be able to say "I want to go here or do this with Mr. Nice Guy" and be confident that I will get an affirmative answer.

While an affirmative answer is the most preferred response, I know it is unhealthy to always get one. Thus, I want a nice guy who has his own opinion. I want a nice guy who can hold his own ground but still be mature enough to agree to disagree. I want a nice guy who can tell me when I am wrong, how I can improve and where I did great.

I want a nice guy who thrives in his own passion. Nothing is sexier than the sparkle in the eyes of a man actively pursuing the things he love. I want a nice guys who works for what he wants and demands what he deserve.

I want a nice guy who can hold a good conversation about the most interesting topics. I want a nice guy with an even nicer sense of humor who can make me laugh even days after the joke was delivered. As Marilyn Monroe puts it, "If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything."


I want a nice guy with a strong relationship with his God, no matter who or what it is. Humility almost always comes from knowing that there is a Supreme Being who made you and to whom you owe everything. If incidentally our faiths differ, I want a nice guy who will respect that and allow the both of us to grow in our own faiths.


I want a nice guy with strong family ties. Being part of a closely knit family myself, I know that values are formed in the family and support is instinctively given. They say look at how a guy treats his mother and you will have an idea how he will treat you in the future.


Do I want too much? Does a nice guy like this exist in real life?

Well, I'll let you know when I found one *wink